Is Texting Good for Teens?

We have all heard the opinions of people regarding teens and their use of modern technology. It is probably not that anyone has a problem with the fact that teens use technology but to what degree. Their are disgruntled parents of teens and grandparents (among others) everywhere that dislike how many text messages their teens are sending everyday. Some argue that texting is causing a decline in the manner of which teens use the English language. With the IM language that is all the rage in pop culture it may a valid concern that parents have for their teens.

What is interesting is that SAT scores show that in the last few years the overall scores on the essay portion of the SAT have improved immensely. One reason this may be the case is because teens are doing more writing than ever because of technology. When there was a day where writing a note or message would have made a teen nervous or uncomfortable, those days are over. The average teen would not hesitate today to send off a note or write a quick message. One teen even made the comment that the IM language and pop slang that is used is for speed but that teens have not forgotten how to spell and how to use the English language correctly.

Another issue that comes into play is when teens text and drive. This is a growing problem and many states are putting laws in place to make it illegal. Distracted driving is a huge cause of motor vehicle accidents and some lead to death and serious injury. Teens need to be talked to seriously about the privilege that a phone is and the consequences that come from misuse of the phone and it's features.

With texting comes picture messaging (pix messaging). Teens also need to be talked to periodically about the hazards of forwarding pictures to people and the issue of what is decent and what isn't. They need to know what can come back to hurt them potentially so they know to avoid certain actions.

With all things there needs to be moderation and the issue of teens and texting is no different. While SAT essay scores are on the rise we should be grateful that there are positive things in pop culture. As parents we also need to watch for the pitfalls and help our teens avoid them when we can. Parent contracts can be used in some cases if you think that expectations and consequences need to be laid out in a clear and orderly fashion so that the teen will without a doubt understand what you are saying.

Get Your Teen College Bound!

Most parents want their children to go on to further their education. We know that statistically a college graduate will make $1 more in their lifetime than those without a degree. But what can we, as parents, really do to help make sure our child has the drive and the staying power to finish college so that they reap the life long benefits?

In this post we will discuss just some of the things we can do as parents to help our teens become college bound and to succeed in the educational endeavors!

College preparation starts at home. If you set the expectation chances are the children will rise to it. They need to know from birth that education is important to you. It is great if you have a degree or if they see you doing something to continue learning. They need to know that it is a lifelong journey that you never get done with. You can also help them learn responsibility. This will help them realize that if they are to have adult responsibilities they have to perform.

Your teen should know that not only straight A students go to college or should go to college. You do need to make sure that your teen is really standing on their own two feet academically. If you are enabling them by always reminding about homework or by doing any part of their homework for them you deny your teen the chance to grow up and become accountable. This letting go process is hard for parents but it has to start early.

Keeping your teen free from risky teen behaviors will be key. If teen fall into behaviors like drug and alcohol use not only will it have very negative effects on their brain development but it will most likely keep them from being serious about their future. Starting young with kids is so important. Parents need to foster good self esteem and feelings of self worth.

The Single Parent with Teens

If you are the single parent of a teen you know how challenging it can be. The days can be long and the frustration is great. This is an important job and surely you feel all of the pressure, all of the time.

Some of the challenges can include having to make every decision alone. It is hard to not have someone who loves your child like you do to help figure out what path to take at times. Another hardship is that teens (both boys and girls) are very moody and you as the parent will be the recipient of those mood swings which may include some anger and they will be hard to withstand while staying sane.

Here we will discuss a few things that any single parent with teens will need so that they are in a place where they can be the best possible parent for that child.

• Have your own support group. This may be other single parents that you can vent to or that can empathize with your situation and possibly offer some sound advice. Everybody needs somewhere to turn when things gets rough. Family is a great support system as long as they give you the fuel to go back to your situation better than you left it. Some families are great at this and some families come up a bit short in this arena.
• Take time. Get a hobby, go to the gym, just go for a drive. Any number of things can be considered time set aside just for you. You take care of your teen and other loved ones by making sure they are at doctors appointments, schools, and more. You need to set an appointment with yourself and take care of you.
• Be okay with other adults being part of your teens life. Some parents feel threatened by the involvement a teen can have with another adult. A parent never loses their place and no matter what age your kids are it is good for them to learn how to have respectful relationships with adults and to listen to the advice.
• Have a time set aside to talk with your teen one on one. Some parents do this are formal meetings while others may take their teen on a date. You know what will be most comfortable for you and your teen so go with what works as long as you get some time to really talk. It is important during these level headed times to clear up expectations and consequences and to review what is going on in your daily life. There are times where you may want to use a parent contract because they help facilitate the conversation and the teen signs it as well as the parent so you have a mutual agreement and understanding. This is a great tool.

Whatever you do, don't lose hope. There are so many resources for single parents. Look for things in your community, church or ask friends what they know about that you might get involved in and seek support from.

Sibling Rivalry in Teens

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of any family life. Siblings argue or get competitive over a number of things and it is absolutely within the framework of "normalcy". It is important to teach kids that even though they may argue and they may be competitive, they are still family and family supports one another. Even if that means that someone is better at something than you are.

If the competitive nature of things helps a teen to better themselves and creates drive in the individual it can be a great thing. It is important for parents to hone in one what is driving the teen to be good at something. If it is just to seek acceptance from the parent then there can be some underlying issues that need to get handled with some therapy. It is also important to watch for sports competition. If you suspect that your teen may use performance enhancing drugs (steroids) then you should get them help as soon as possible. It isn't worth the risk to put off confronting your teen.

Other reasons for sibling rivalry and arguing are jealousy (not having privileges or attention that another has), normal teasing (starts out as fun, turns into a problem), and other reasons. Parents can alleviate some of this by being a good example. If parents run a home that does not consist of much contention, promotes mutual respect and understanding, and other good behaviors then hopefully teens will typically use these behaviors among themselves. It will be part of their "norm". You probably want to watch for teens that get overly angry or seem to have conduct disorders.

Things parents can do to help the situation if there is sibling rivalry or arguing:

• Have house ground rules such as "no name calling" or "absolutely no lashing out physically".
• Try not to get involved unless the situation reaches a really bad level. It is best for kids of all ages to learn how to work through their own situations.
• Do not compare your teens or other children to each other.
• Allow teens and other children to have belongings that are not shared with others.
• Go on dates with your kids. Spending this time allows them to have your undivided attention.

When necessary you can use parent contracts to help with a lot of these issues. This will give you an opportunity to sit down with your teen and make clear your expectations and house rules.

Wilderness Therapy Programs Overview

Wilderness therapy programs are often confused with wilderness experience programs. They are extremely different in that wilderness therapy programs treat kids with a variety of behavioral problems, drug and alcohol abuse issues, violent behaviors, truancy, theft, and many more reasons.

Statistics show that most of the teens in these programs are boys between 13 and 15 years of age. However, there are wilderness therapy programs that take in girls and those of all different ages. There are many programs though that are specifically teen boys.

Most wilderness therapy programs offer the same process for treatment. More often than not there is the first phase of getting all of the boys clean of drugs and alcohol physically. Most have staff that are trained to deal with withdrawals and other detoxification issues that may arise.

The second phase is a personal accountability as well as social accountability phase. Generally speaking there will be team building activities where the teens are forced to work together as a group to succeed. During this phase it is crucial to let natural consequences fall into place. If a teen decides not to do a necessary step they may have natural consequences to endure. For instance, if they are in charge of trash items after mealtime and neglect to do their job they may have to deal with wild animals coming into camp. Not only will this scare them but they will take a bit of heat from their peers. This is good in that it helps them realize that most things are not just about them but their choices affect those around them.

In the third phase the teens are taught how to implement what they learned at home and learn coping skills to keep from the temptation of drugs and alcohol use and other at risk behaviors. Some wilderness therapy programs are only three weeks and for those with ongoing or long term addiction problems or long term behavior problems this may not be long enough for them to really learn all that they need to learn for re-entering their home life and social circle at home. All wilderness therapy time frames are different.

These programs are becoming recognized as a great alternative to traditional mental health treatment facilities and they are also talked up because most are much more affordable. It is nice that there are options for family. It is hard to find hard data concerning wilderness therapy programs because they are still quite new and only a limited number of teens get the experience. At last official count there were less than 40 wilderness therapy programs in the United States.

Teen Dating Violence

Teen dating violence is an all too real reality for those that live it. Statistics show that 1 in 3 teens have been in an abusive relationship. That is a high percentage and somehow the numbers need to come down.

Here are some of the signs of an abuse relationship:

• physical signs such as bruising
• missing school, dropping out
• inability to make decisions
• personality change, mood changes
• drug and/or alcohol use
• has emotional outbursts
• isolated
• failing grades/problems at school

Signs that the the person you are dating may become abusive:

• irrational jealousy
• controlling
• relationship moves too quickly
• anger/fits of rage
• tries to keep you from your friends/family
• does not take accountability - blames others for feelings, thoughts and behaviors
• gets forceful in arguments
• displays cruelty to children or animals
• is verbally abusive
• makes threats
• drug or alcohol use

What can teens do to keep from falling into an abusive relationship or situation:

• It is a good idea to date in pairs or at least double date. Try to not pair off with anyone.
• Find out what the plans are for the date as specifically as possible. Let your parents and friends know these plans so that if you aren't at the right place at the right time they will know how to find you or when to become alarmed.
• Stay sober. You decrease your ability to react when under the influence of drugs or alcohol. It is always a good idea to just stay sober so you have your clarity.
• Don't leave places with someone you don't know well. And if you have to leave make sure someone knows where you are going and who you are with.
• Be assertive. If something makes you uncomfortable express it.
• Use your instincts. If something feels "off" or not just right listen to the feeling and get away or out of the situation as fast as possible. It is not important to save the feelings of anyone. You have to look out for you.

Parents and teachers can help teens stay out of these situations. If you have a teen with good self esteem and that you can talk to you are probably in a better spot to help them. Keep open lines of communication and if necessary use a parent contract to clarify your specific rules about dating.

Parents Get Involved!

It is a proven fact that parents who are more involved in their teens lives are better able to keep their teens out of risky behavior. This does not mean that the teen will never take a wrong step but it does give them a better chance.

One study published in this month's Chesterton Tribune says that teens who set clearly defined rules, inquired about what the teen was doing and where they were going, and were aware of who the friends were of the teen were half as likely to crash than those with less involved parents.

These same teens were twice more likely to wear their seat belts and they were substantially less less likely to use their cell phone while driving.

Studies also show that parental involvement in schools dramatically decreases as the children get older. Some claim that the schedules are complex, the curriculum is intimidating and not knowing their role as reasons why involvement decreases. However, when parents have the expectation of the teen going on to further education and doing well in school, the teen does just what is expected. They do in fact go on to further academic achievement and they even do better on their homework.

Teens that are close to their parents or know their parents are involved in their lives are also more likely to have good peer groups. By this we don't mean that normal teen behavior will not happen but teens will be less likely to fall into crowds that typically use drugs or are into underage drinking.

It is a great idea to sit down and go over teen behaviors, choices and issues with your teen and a parent contract. This just helps clarify what expectations are and what consequences will be.

Teens and Tattoos

If you are the parent of a teen you may have been approached with the request of letting your teen get a tattoo. Or you may have just been surprised when your teen showed up one day with a tattoo and you didn't get a choice in the matter. Some parents may be asking the question: "At what age is it appropriate to allow a teen to get a tattoo?"

The answer to that question is not an easy one and like most things it may vary depending on your family beliefs, the teen and their maturity level, any health risks that may occur and so on. There are many things to consider. One thing is for sure: tattoos are on the rise. They are now mainstream, not just something you see once in a while. They used to come with the stigma of rebellion or toughness and now you will find tattoos on people of all ages, sexes and races.

One thought that raises concern is that states and local authorities govern the standards that a tattoo artist is held to. These standards vary greatly across the country. In many states there are no regulations, no inspections and no training necessary. Most do not require consent forms or record keeping.

The major health concern associated with tattoos is the spread of a certain type of staph infection. By now we have all heard of these infections and how scary they can be and how rapidly they can spread through the body. Without any regulations on how many times a tattoo needle or ink get used it is very hard to determine whether or not you are in safe hands in this respect.

Regardless of your choice, here are a few things to consider:

• Only used a licensed person and make sure that they take precautions against infection.
• Teens have been known to do "do it yourself" tattoos. This is NEVER a good idea.
• Do your research on the health risks. Staph is not the only problem. If you grow too much scar tissue or have reactions you could be in a for a lot of trouble.
• What happens if you or the teen regret the decision. Look into tattoo removal, how well it works and the cost of such a procedure.
• Always use an actual medical doctor for tattoo removal.

This is a great conversation to have with your teens even if they haven't approached the subject. It is good for them to know your thoughts and ideals on such topics. You can always sit down with a parent contract and discuss these types of teen issues and it may clear up any misunderstandings on your expectations of your teen.

Teen Drunk Driving

We all know that underage drinking is a big problem. Alcohol is more accessible to our youth now more than ever. Parents can help teens avoid the feeling of peer pressure or the need to drink by being approachable, staying involved in your teens school and life in general and by setting clear standards (possibly a parent contract to clarify expectations). Still, there will be times when teens just do irresponsible things and spread their wings to experience something. This cannot always be controlled. However the consequences that come with it can send a clear message to teens that things like drunk driving are purely unacceptable and that it is NEVER taken lightly.

• Automobile accidents are the what make up most of the deaths of teens between 15 and 20.
• In 2005, of the teens in auto accidents that were alcohol related, 64% were not restrained by their seat belt. This tells us that teens are less likely to buckle up when intoxicated. Of the fatalities in these cases, 74% were unbuckled.
• The National Highway Safety Administration claims that about 25,000 lives have been saved since 1975 because of the minimum drinking age laws.
• In a study done in 2005, about 28% of high school students claimed that they had ridden in a car that had an intoxicated driver within the past 30 days.

The statistics speak for themselves. Drinking and alcohol are never a good idea. Mix it with teens and it is a recipe for death. You may consider using a parent contract with your teen to cover forbidden substances as well as driving privileges.

Why should teens volunteer?

It is well known that providing service of any kind without compensation is a great thing for people of any age. Knowing this you may consider getting your tween or teen involved in volunteering. The earlier the better! Children are never too young to learn how to do for others and they will benefit for their whole lives from the feeling that comes from helping others and being productive.

If your child has not been in the habit of volunteering and helping others then you can start by talking to them about what they see in the world around them. Do they see any needs that are not being met or that could use more help? Do they see how they may make a difference? It is great for kids to see that the world is vast and is not just about them. However, you don't want them to feel like the world is so distant from the child that they cannot possibly create change. We need teens who believe in themselves enough to know that they can change what they put their minds to.

It is key to make your child realize that there is more to volunteering than just donating money. While they should know that donating monetarily is great, it is also just one aspect of service and that sometimes it is harder to give of your time than to just write a check.

You teen may need help in finding appropriate places to volunteer. Here are just a few ideas:

1. Animal shelters - if your child loves animals they could visit any number of shelters and find out if they have volunteer programs. This may include walking dogs, cleaning kennels, feeding or bathing animals. This can be very good for kids of all ages because animals are very therapeutic for all.
2. Political involvement - Does your teen have strong beliefs and interests in what is going on politically? Any political organization is going to be willing to let people help their cause. It is a great thing for teens to be community minded and to try to make their city, state or country a better place.
3. Hospitals - Most hospitals, rest homes, rehabilitation center and other health care facilities offer volunteer programs and they are in need of volunteers more than ever. This is a great place for teens to learn how to serve but to learn to empathize with others.
4. Shelters - Whether alone or as a family you can serve at your local shelter. You can organize drives for donations, collect food for food banks, serve food to those in need, clean, work in literacy programs and more. This is truly a place where the whole family can be involved and work together on behalf of others and ultimately their community.
5. Church, volunteering is youth groups and other areas is a great thing.

Volunteering is a great self esteem booster and keeps kids from at risk behaviors.

Is my teen ready for a job?

Having a job can do a great deal of good for any teen. First it can provide something productive for the teen to do with their time. If teens aren't involved in many extra curricular activities or sports then they may be more prone to get into trouble. Second, it provides income for the teen to use for whatever your family agreement is. A great way to clarify what expenses belong to any teen is by using a parent contract. Teens are more than capable, most of the time, of paying for a lot of their own belongings. They can also use their income for fun money. It is always good to add that it is a chance for a teen to learn to save and respect the value of money.

On top of the advantages mentioned above it is great for a teens self esteem to know that they are contributing and being compensated for a job well done. A good work ethic is a great thing to instill in our teens today.

So how do you know if your teen is ready to work?

• The best way to know is to let your teen get a job and just watch them and listen to what they have to say. Some teens rise to the challenge and can handle it and others are not quite ready or lacking in self discipline.
• If you teen started at 13 and 14 mowing lawns, babysitting, doing odd jobs and helping people and was good at it then by 15 and 16 they are probably ready.
• Does your teen have so many other responsibilities and commitments to outside obligations and family that the job will only create added stress that may cause teen depression? If so, you may want to choose to eliminate certain activities or decide that it isn't time for a job.

While you may not want to push a young teen to work, by the time a teen is 17 you may want to urge them to start. Teens have a sense of accomplishment and appreciation when they help earn the money for their college education and other expenses.

Teens & Cell Phones While Driving

We all know the dangers of driving while talking on the phone. Even on a hands free device it is a lack of attention to the road that is the problem. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has shown that teens while driving while talking on the phone lose situational awareness.

Here are some good statistics (general) that are good to keep in mind:

• The leading cause of death for teen between 15 and 20 is automobile accidents.
• Between 1994 and 2003 about 122 teens between 15 and 20 died each week in automobile accidents.
• In the year 2003 alone the number of teens killed in car crashes was 3,657. Also in 2003 there were 300,000 teens injured in car accidents.
• With each passenger in a teen driven car the risk of accident goes up.
• Most teen car accidents occur at night despite the fact that only 20% of their total driving is at night.

The NHTSA is wanting to push for the following:

1. nighttime driving restrictions
2. restrictions on the number of passengers a teen can have in the car
3. restrictions on teens using phones and other wireless devices while driving
4. underage drinking and driving laws

Every state has their own laws and very few of the laws just single out teens. Overall states that ban the use of cell phones or just texting don't exclude anyone, the laws are in effect for all who drive. It's important to talk to your teens about the laws in your state regarding cell phone use, how many passengers, etc. Parents may even find parent contracts to be useful.