Pregnant Teens - Keep the baby?

Once you become a pregnant teen obviously there is no turning back or changing your mind. It is probably the end of the world as you knew it, BUT it is definitely not THE end of the world. Rest assured if you are the pregnant teen there are teen pregnancy statistics that prove you are not the first or the last pregnant teen. And if you are the parent of a pregnant teen you also are not the first or last. As a teen you may be scared, happy, sad, depressed, confused, excited, worried...Or many of these all together. Many parents find themselves more along the lines of upset, worried, loving, embarrassed, angry, supportive...But whether you are a pregnant teen or the parent of a pregnant teen rest assured that you have options. In this post we are going to talk about the options if you choose to keep the baby and the next post will be about what options are available if you are not ready or not sure about keeping the baby and becoming a parent.

Keep the baby.

1. Some teens decide to get married and keep the baby. If you choose this I would encourage premarital counseling, finding a way to complete your education, and educate yourself on prenatal care, birthing, parental responsibilities, and child care.
2. Some teens keep the baby but stay single, and independent. Some choose this and others are faced with he fact that they are willing to become a parent while the father does not. This can be very difficult but not impossible. Either way, if you choose this path I still recommend the things above only personal counseling vs. premarital counseling.
3. Some teens do not get married but choose to remain living with their parents so they will have financial, emotional, and physical support. Again...I still recommend everything in #2
4. Maternity group homes may also be a consideration. These programs typically provide education, diet and medical support, child care, and emotional support from others who understand. They are designed to help you learn how to become an independent parent.

Teen Pregnancy Risk Factors

In the last week the National Center for Health Statistics announced that according to statistics teen pregnancy is back on the rise. A few years ago they had reported than teen pregnancy rates were starting to drop. These new numbers indicate that births to mothers between 15-19 years old have rose 1.4 % from 2006-2007, for the two years prior to that they reported an increase of 3.4%. They also reported that the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate among the 20 most developed nations in the world!
So, why are teenagers in the U.S. more at risk for teen pregnancy?
Teens becoming sexually active earlier
Makes sense right? The earlier you start having sex the greater the chance of becoming pregnant as a teen, and more teens are becoming sexually active at younger ages. The statistics above are based on 15-19 year olds. But, you should know that teen pregnancy rates for girls under 15 is also on the rise. Many of these girls are victims of unwanted or involuntary sex their first time. These girls typically start having voluntary sex at younger ages.
Attitudes about birth control
Obviously, teens who do not use birth control are at higher risk for teen pregnancy. Teenagers sometimes find it difficult obtain birth control. While others are embarrassed to use it, especially condoms. Teens who are not familiar with how to use condoms are more likely to avoid using them.
Socioeconomic factors
Teens coming from poor economic status and single parents are more likely to participate in risky sexual behaviors. Studies have found that teens girls who do not grow up with a father or have a relationship with their father are more likely to get pregnant.
Religion and Education
Teenagers who have a religious background and are involved in church or school activities are less likely to get involved in sexual relationships at an early age. Many involved in their religion may wait until marriage. There are many benefits to abstinence. Those involved in school activities do not seem to focus as much on sex and if they do have sex they are more likely to use protection.
As you can see, preventing teen pregnancy can be difficult with all of the factors involved. But with enough education for parents and teens perhaps less teens will choose to become parents at such young ages.

Why Teens Get Pregnant

There is always room to debate why teens get pregnant. Some would argue teens need more sex education, while others would argue teens are taught too much and that is what peaks their curiosity. Whether you believe in abstinence only education or more sex education for teens there are some undisputed facts about the reasons teens get pregnant.

Wanted pregnancy. While there are very few that fit in this category, some girls choose to get pregnant. Some surveys say as many as 20% get pregnant on purpose. Keep in mind "teen pregnancy" statistics include teens (17-20) who may have graduated high school, chose to get married, and planned their pregnancy.

Rape. While this is a terrible thing, it happens. Girls may be victim to date rape, molested by family members, or violated by a stranger.

Unwanted sexual intercourse. Some surveys indicate that 3 out of 4 (75%) girls start having sex because feel peer pressure from their boyfriends. Making it equally important that we talk to boys about the effects and consequences of pressuring girls as it is to talk to girls about resisting the pressure.

Inconsistent birth control or unprotected sex. It only takes once. Girls who do not use birth control are 90% more likely to become pregnant within 1 year of becoming sexually active. Teens indicate the reason they do not use birth control are: not educated enough to know what is available or how to use it, they are not comfortable with using it, and they do not know where or how to get it (especially without people knowing). Keep in mind this is also putting them at risk for STD's.

Do not understand consequences of teen pregnancy. While most teens know that having sex can result in pregnancy they are not taught to stop and consider the full extent of consequences. Girls are taught more about saying "No" than they are about what it takes to be a single mom, child care responsibilities, and how they will support a child. Boys are taught more about using condoms than what it will take to support a child or the custody issues they could face.

Abstinence only education. This topic is debatable. Many teens have commented that abstinence only education is much like telling them "no" without reason, which may peak their curiosity even more.

Spring Break Tips

Spring break is typically an exciting week for teens and a week of worry for parents. Here are a few tips on how to keep teens excited and take some of the worry out of Spring break:
1. Establish rules and consequences: Even if you have established rules and consequences in your home, spring break is a great time to review the rules (general behavior, household rules, curfew, chores etc...) and the consequences that come with breaking the rules. You may even wish to set up a parent/teen contract just so everyone understands and agrees.
2. Keep them busy. Bored teenagers with too much time on their hands is a recipe for trouble. You do not have to entertain them every second of every day but if you will plan ahead with specific chores, projects, and activities that include them in a positive way they will be less likely to find less desirable activities. Make sure you allow them balanced time of family/friends and work/play.
3. Be reasonable and realistic. It would be wonderful if our teenagers would rise early, have breakfast with us, clean the house and watch their siblings (while we go to work), and be happy to stay home with the family for dinner and family time. Let's face it, this is not reasonable or realistic. So while trying to establish the 2 tips above consider and discuss what rules are reasonable and what consequences you will realistically follow through on. Be reasonable and realistic with their chores, time, and activities. (This is not to say be manipulated in to "but mom/dad it's spring break")
4. Remain open to negotiation: If teens are allowed to have an opinion and participate in creating the rules and consequences they are more apt to follow them. Even if the results are the same, a teen will appreciate being a part of a discussion and not another lecture. Teens benefit from contracts also.
5. Remain in contact and informed. Unlike the old days when every teenager used the excuse (at least once in their lifetime) they were not near a phone and couldn't call, if your teen does not have a cell phone I guarantee 9 out 10 of their friends do. Get the phone numbers of their friends and their friends parents. Know where they are going to be and how long they will be there. Have specific times they need to check in with you, and if their plans change (and they do) they are responsible to call and inform you (or there will be consequences).
6. Talk about concerns: Even if you feel your teen is trustworthy now may be a great time to discuss sensitive issues that may concern you like alcohol, tobacco, sex, or drugs. Let you teen know even if you trust them you do not know who they may come in contact with and you just want to make sure they protect themselves. You may even want to make sure if they are attending parties they are aware of such things as:

• Date rape drugs or spiked drinks. Not to drink from punch bowls or already opened drinks.
• Alcohol. Do not drive, or be alone, with someone who has been drinking.
• Drugs. If drugs are present they are leave! or call you and you will help them.
• Sex. Stay in groups. Never leave a friend alone. Abstinence. etc...

These topics may be difficult for some parents/teens. They can be addressed in a positive and educational way. Remember, they may know everything but you will feel better knowing they are getting correct information from you and not finding out the hard way they could have done things differently.

7. "There is always a choice". Let your teen know they always have a choice. Some choices are not always as clear as right/wrong or black/white. Let them know you are available to them if they need help making a choice. Peer pressure can be brutal. I often tell my teens if they are in an uncomfortable situation and do not feel they can stand up for themselves they can use me as an excuse. I'm ok with them telling their friends, "I can't my parents will kill me" or "my parents are going to be here any minute" or "my parents won't allow me". I am ok with their friends not liking me if it keeps my teen safe.

8. Make Spring Break Fun! Share time with your teen and your family. Build fun and exciting memories with your family. Spring cleaning can even be fun and memorable if you approach it properly and everyone participates. Memories do not have to be made of beach vacations, you can build them right in your own home/neighborhood.

9. Be positive! Every day is a good day to tell your child how much you love them and how proud you are of them. (ps. positive self esteem also helps them be stronger in difficult situations)