If the competitive nature of things helps a teen to better themselves and creates drive in the individual it can be a great thing. It is important for parents to hone in one what is driving the teen to be good at something. If it is just to seek acceptance from the parent then there can be some underlying issues that need to get handled with some therapy. It is also important to watch for sports competition. If you suspect that your teen may use performance enhancing drugs (steroids) then you should get them help as soon as possible. It isn't worth the risk to put off confronting your teen.
Other reasons for sibling rivalry and arguing are jealousy (not having privileges or attention that another has), normal teasing (starts out as fun, turns into a problem), and other reasons. Parents can alleviate some of this by being a good example. If parents run a home that does not consist of much contention, promotes mutual respect and understanding, and other good behaviors then hopefully teens will typically use these behaviors among themselves. It will be part of their "norm". You probably want to watch for teens that get overly angry or seem to have conduct disorders.
Things parents can do to help the situation if there is sibling rivalry or arguing:
- Have house ground rules such as "no name calling" or "absolutely no lashing out physically".
- Try not to get involved unless the situation reaches a really bad level. It is best for kids of all ages to learn how to work through their own situations.
- Do not compare your teens or other children to each other.
- Allow teens and other children to have belongings that are not shared with others.
- Go on dates with your kids. Spending this time allows them to have your undivided attention.
When necessary you can use parent contracts to help with a lot of these issues. This will give you an opportunity to sit down with your teen and make clear your expectations and house rules.
