Everyone I know (whether they would like to admit it or not) likes having structure in their lives. Organization, restrictions, clarity, and rewards provide us with a peace of mind. When this is not happening there is confusion, chaos, and frustration for everyone involved.
I recently went through this in my own family. I THOUGHT everyone knew the rules and understood their role in the family and what was expected of them. But, little by little I was hearing things like:
"I did the dishes but that other mess wasn't mine."
"It wasn't my turn to fold the towels."
"Nobody told me I shouldn't ..."
"Why am I being punished for that?"
"I didn't know it was my responsibility."
I had always prided myself on my communicating skills and talking with my children about even some times hard to address issues like alcohol, drugs, peer pressure, even sex. However, I realized I was not being clear enough on what our family values or goals are and what each individual needs to do to help us accomplish these goals. I was also not clear on what the reward or consequences would be if any of us lived up to these goals or failed to do our part.
In talking to others and doing my own research I found a solution that is working fabulous for our family, we have set up behavior charts and contracts. Let me first say I have tried the preschool charts on the refrigerator where they get a little star for good behavior. That worked for a week or so but it was still not defining in detail what was expected especially when it came to real issues like driving privlidges, alcohol or drug use, curfew rules, expectations of dating, and what is acceptable school behaviors and study habits.
I have included some links that I have found very helpful to our family on getting clarity, understanding, organization, and most of all Peace! Hope you find them helpful as well.
